I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
