you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
