he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
