It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
