3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
