420 ftw
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
