Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
