vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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