i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
