Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize