Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
