nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
