do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
