I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
