i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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