Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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