operation harelip BJ is a go
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
