Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
