no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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