your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thus making me awesome and them whores
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
