If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
