im holly from the hills drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
