one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
