but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
