Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
