you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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