How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
