my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
