two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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