Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
