If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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