you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dick has a subreddit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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