the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize