it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
