I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize
