The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
