We won't sleep together?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm going to jail i love you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
