Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
