I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
