finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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