i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
