so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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