I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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