Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize