If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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