I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there's paper in my vomit.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
