Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
