my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
