I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
