im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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