I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
