Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
