She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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