Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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