One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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