I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
