South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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