i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
