Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
