am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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