my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
