I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
