When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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