I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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