I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
