so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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