wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dignity is for republicans.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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