I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
