did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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