Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
