final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
