Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i love accidental penises.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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