Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
