the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
