yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
