I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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