i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
