this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
