I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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