a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
